Jacob Marley and Me

Alec Guinnes from the 1970 MUSICAL(!), Scrooge

Personally, I think Jacob Marley got a raw deal. I mean, HE didn't get visited by the ghosts of Christmas past, present and possible future with the idea of saving his soul; why the inequitable treatment by the ethereal gatekeepers?  Was he meaner or stingier or more of a "scrooge" than Scrooge was? Have you ever heard someone referred to as being a "Marley"? I'm just sayin'...Ok, so perhaps there wouldn't have been much to Dickens' 1843 novella had Marley actually learned his lesson while still alive. He likely would have been pushed out of the business by Ebeneezer, a la Mark Zuckerberg, and gone off to run a non-profit. Hell, he might have later been one of those men that Scrooge so rudely reminds of the usefulness of workhouses and prisons! I really don't have a point here, except that I found myself on this tangent the other day whilst thinking that I feel a large sense of "BAH! HUMBUG!" this year.

I admit that my work has been all-consuming of my physical energy, my tolerance for stress and ambiguity, and my sense of humor.. But still, IT'S CHRISTMAS! (As any one of a number of egregiously sappy characters would not hesitate to remind me). Add to that I have a seven year-old daughter who (rightfully) believes in Santa Claus and I have the possible makings of a faith-shattering, cynic-building holiday season. Frankly, I am not quite ready to see my child give up on magic, elves and the possibility that someday she might be able to "go to the North pole and HELP Santa!"

So, my self-querying begins: How to regain a spirit of joy and celebration of the season. I suppose this is where I should cue Linus Van Pelt to tell me about the real meaning of Christmas, but since I am a bit of a Buddhist/pagan/Christian-in-a-love-is-everything-do-unto-others-rather-than-literal-Bible-as-THE-word-of-God-kind-of-way, I would probably just spend time listening to Linus' adorably lispy little kid voice and humming Hark The Herald Angels Sing in the background. I know what Christmas has always meant to me before this year, but I am thinking that this year it might require a bit of a shift if I am to embrace the season and all its "accoutrements". 

First off let's get the materialism bit out of the way. Christmas is not about the gifts, although I love seeing my daughter and husband opening their presents on The Day. My daughter gets things all year because we are ridiculously blessed in our lives and because her Dad and I are softies. Besides, when asked what she wanted from Santa this year, she responded, "I don't know, I don't really need anything." I have yet to get a more than stocking-stuffer response from that question. Also, having been single for most of my adult life, I am used to getting what I need or want on my own. If I see something I like, I typically get it (realize, of course, my tastes are fairly simple, if good :), especially shoes (which, I admit is my one big consumer sickness and Zappos is my enabler-someday I will seek help). And my husband, well materially he is happy with his hobby and whatever is around him. So the put-ourselves-in-endless-debt-getting-presents is NOT what this season is about for me.

Ok, we got them home...

This year I seem to feel the need to surround myself with the lights and decorations and smells of the holidays. I came home from the store today with I don't know how many boxes of lights for outside and enough almonds, butter and confectioners sugar to feed almond cookies to a small country. So maybe it is not so much about material gifts, but trying to light my spirit from the outside in? I may be on to something here, but to that end we have two trees this year (a very small one and an eight-footer). We decided (and when I say we, I mean I) that we certainly have plenty of ornaments and lights and this way I could be near a tree whether in the front room or the living room. I know lots of people who put up multiple trees. It seems like such a great idea, but I have no idea why I never participated before. Additionally, by tomorrow night our front yard will rival the Griswold's (and our neighbors) for superfluous electrical resource usage in a single month. Today I took down the "fall" mantle decorations (seriously? yep-blown glass pumpkins, mercury glass gourds, fake leaves; which cracks me up considering we haven't even raked the real leaves up yet) to make way for the Christmas ensemble. At this point,however, that tableau consists of one glass tree, a votive holder, some twinkle lights and a greeting card advent calendar; deck the halls...

Hey, it's a start.

The thing is, and it is not a complaint, it is an observation (because, my goodness, I am so NOT alone in feeling this way); I am tired. I am lucky enough to have a job that pays my bills and a bit extra, but the cost of that so-called security is stress levels and exhaustion that are off the charts. When does the cost-benefit ratio shift so that the golden handcuffs are no longer worth it? And how does one  balance work commitments to maintain some sort of personal equilibrium while also taking care of family and all that goes with it? Sometimes I think I suffer from an over-developed sense of responsibility, but then I look at my shoe closet. So, my mantle may take a few days to get done because yet this weekend I still need to do laundry and house chores, get my daughter to a friend's Birthday party and then get blood sugar up in everyone so we can brave the (finally) cold evening to experience the local Winterfest. Tomorrow I will get up extra early so I can go in to work to finish some things that the work week won't allow time for and then come home for the end of the weekend which will include baking and yet more decorating.

It could be, I suppose, a matter of energy distribution. Seems to me if I can allot every night and a weekend for a week to make my daughter's Angry Birds Birthday cake, that I should be able to muster the wherewithal to lighten up and enjoy the season!

If I can do this, I should be able to do Christmas, for cryin' out loud.

And yet, I feel I can most relate to this poor guy...

Or, I could just embrace my new-found antipathy while trying to maintain an air of HO-HO-HO for my daughter's sake. Yo! Jacob M, teach me how to rattle them chains, bro! Ahem...Yup-tired.

Will our heroine pull herself out of her self-described (and likely self-induced) funk in time to make merry, wrap the packages, send the cards, bake the gingerbread and mull (?) the cider? Stay tuned....Oh wait just one second. Have you ever read such a load of TRIPE in your life? You know you are in trouble when you don't believe your own writing!

Yes, I am overwhelmed at work (who isn't?) and feel like I am not "ready" for Christmas, but this time of year is my favorite! Fall into winter, when things are still colorful, the bitter cold and doldrums of winter have not yet set in, and when you are practically told you must drink hot chocolate and eat cookies more often than usual; I love Christmas. And actually, if I think about it hard enough, I realize that I have it especially good because, since giving up TV, we are not bombarded with a constant stream of advertisements for crap we don't need or have room to keep.

You know that scene in "Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown," when Charlie Brown and Linus go looking for a tree and they are surrounded by pink and blue aluminum? I have never experienced enough commercialism during the season to push me out of the spirit. Yes, it annoys the stuffing out of me that stores bring in the Christmas gear on Nov. 1, and yes, I do put too much pressure on myself to get "just the right thing" or make the perfect meal, but hey, I do that all year long! Christmas to me is about warmth and being together and being reminded (whether you are Christian-based or not) that there is something bigger than us that we should celebrate. Whether it is the story of the star and the baby Jesus, or a celebration of the winter solstice and the evergreen that survives through winter, or remembering the miracle of one day's worth of oil lasting eight; this season is one for me to enjoy and try to let go of some of my more worldly (and transient) cares. Christmas is a time to relive old and precious memories that are saved in the myriad ornaments and decorations that are packed away gently each year. The macaroni and yarn ornament that you made in kindergarten, the glass unicorn you got on your first trip to California, the "Baby's 1st Christmas" jingle bell you bump on purpose just to hear that perfect sound; all of these are part of the season. Does your family make iced cookies, turkey or ham, latkes or boyos, as part of holiday meals? Do you eat pie for breakfast? Do you put up lights, candles in the windows, evergreen boughs in the doorways?

There are some things that make me a little wistful; I miss my Mom and my Grandparents and the glue they provided for bringing my family together. I long to spend a little quality time with my new niece and nephew (and their parents, of course!). I hate that my step-mom lives so far away. I hate that my brother likes Cool-Whip (to eat!). I wish I could decide on what to make for Christmas dinner. I wish I could get the dog to stop eating my books. I wish I could figure out what I want to do when I grow up...

But I am not far from home, deployed to a hostile country. I am not on the streets, required to be creative just to keep warm. I am not without love in my life. I am not worried for the health of my child. I am not hungry. All in all, I am joyful this season and looking forward to celebrating with my family and looking forward to 2013. My wish for you and yours is peace, health and joy this season and always.

Cheers.

number 2 (why not?) :)

That's better ;)