'Tis the Season; Awaiting the Sparkly Unicorn and Happy Chrisnukkanzaa

I am going to say it outright and I am sure it will piss people off on both sides of the theological aisle (for the record, I know there are way more sides than that, but I am purposely simplifying here): Both American Christians and American atheists appear to be trying to ruin Christmas for me. Am I taking it personally? Yes!... But, maybe I should back up the context truck a bit.

I have no idea why (but I suspect it is related to our ability to send and receive messages at super-fast speed and across huge audiences) but the past few years has, to me, seen an increase in the intolerant banter between Christians and atheists on the topic of Christmas. One side bemoans the loss of "Christ in Christmas" while the other takes the supposedly intellectual high-ground and constantly reminds us that it is a made-up and power-based manipulative holiday in the first place. For now, I will leave alone the over-consumerism and ploys by retailers to suck us dry on yet more stuff (but that might be another post). Both of these "sides," however, in this game are starting to irritate me. Frankly, I wish everyone would just lighten up. And OF COURSE, this post uses broad generalizations. I am not aiming at anyone and I know certainly not everyone will "fit" the descriptions I am making here. But it is food for thought...

Now, I will freely admit that my perspective is one of believing in a higher power (but I don't give it a name, gender or any emotional attributes) but I do not subscribe to the bible as "the word of God" or any other organized religion. Additionally, I am a BIG supporter of the separation of church and state so any arguments in that topic are lost on me. But Christmas is also one of my favorite holidays, so maybe it is my place somewhere in the middle of these two factions that makes me tire of the lack of mutual respect.

Now, don't get me wrong. Some of the "barbs" that are lobbed across the proverbial fences are hysterically funny to me. I belong to a FaceBook group that is made up of like-humored people and there are loads of posts that crack me up, but they are away from the broader forum that might include offending people we wouldn't want to hurt. (One of my favorites is a painting of a very sad Jesus with the caption: "Figs. I said I hate figs!" - a brilliant message, imo, but I digress) Interestingly, the same does not seem to be true of my Christian friends; they post for all to see, but I am lucky in that my friends are kind and inclusive and I am rarely offended by what they have to say (but again, that is me). I have seen, however, public posts that are hurtful, judgmental and incredibly intolerant (from all sides). There are people who say we are too politically correct; that people need to learn to laugh at themselves and take a joke. In part I agree, but the beliefs being mocked aren't mine, so it is easy to say. Values are those beliefs that people will use resources (money, time, energy) to uphold and protect. Making jokes of someone's belief system and therefore also their values, is bound to be taken to heart.

I personally think you can and should believe whatever makes your life purposeful. If you want to believe there was a Jesus and all that the bible prescribes, then go for it. If you want to follow the path of Mohammed and the Koran; good too. If you are Jewish-awesome! Frankly, if you worship a magical, sparkly unicorn that will sprinkle peace and love on the Universe, I am fine with that too. My caveat: please don't tell me how to live my life and that I am going to be somehow damned for not believing as you do and don't use your beliefs to persecute or oppress or hurt other people.

Likewise, if you want to believe in nothing, I think that is perfectly appropriate if it works for you, but please don't mock me for what I may or may not believe. What irks me is when personal beliefs (whatever they are) turn ordinarily nice people into hate mongers. Hate comes in many forms and is spawned from all sorts of beliefs and insecurities, so an atheist can be just as hateful as any Christian, Muslim or Unicornian. Atheists who mock the beliefs of Christians and use science as their weapon of choice are just as bad as any intolerant, Regent University-graduating, Pat Robertson-following Christian. Christians were once persecuted (in some places they still are, but I would argue not so much in America) and now are often seen as the persecutors (which many are; ask any LGBT person). Oppressed people often become defensive and push back; hard. In this case it seems to have resulted in a tit-for-tat about who is "right," more inclusive, on higher ethical ground, and/or more intelligent. In fact, there are many lovely, open, intelligent people of faith, as there are those who do not follow a religious doctrine. The truth is, a belief is a belief. Science tries to deal in facts, but is, for many things, still just guessing (black holes: we don't actually know what happens inside, we just think we do). In a similar way, we will never really know about an afterlife until, well, after life. Both perspectives rely on a certain amount of "faith."

Now back to me (it is my blog, after all ;) All this bickering between two disparate belief systems is bumming me out! Most of us, at least on some level, know the origins of the holiday that is Christmas; its mish-mash of pagan beliefs amalgamated with Christian stories, meant to bring diverse cultures together and solidify the power of The Church back in the day. Over time, elements from other cultures have found their way in and we even created some of our own, truly American variables (you can thank Montgomery Ward for Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer). Even knowing all this, though, I still love to decorate a tree and I like the idea of Santa Claus. Admittedly, Christmas is not a religious time for me. Rather it is a time to bring some light into what can be a dark and somewhat depressing time of year (a snow bunny, I am not). That being said, I love the carols, religious and not, and the diverse traditions of food, gifts (although I prefer to keep that bit simple), decorating, and even as a non-Christian, I like the idea of the three wise men following the star, Mary giving birth in a barn, etc. It is a nice myth in my mind and it symbolizes peace (which we could all use a little more of), but it means much more to others and I respect that too.

This "battle" about Christmas is a symptom (of course) of the larger issue of intolerance of our differences.

When I taught courses on interpersonal communication, I did an exercise during which I would initially divide the group up into small groups of three. Their task was to identify three things that they had in common (no obvious stuff such as "we are all college students" or "we are wearing clothes," etc.) The first phase was not usually a big deal. After reporting some samples out, I would bring the groups of three into groups of six with the same task. This time there was some moaning as to how it would be harder, but they accomplished it just the same. And so it went, each time making the groups larger and the moaning that it was "impossible" getting louder. Each time, however, they succeeded. Finally, the group as a whole was asked to meet the same objective (sometimes this was 50 students). By then they knew they could do it and succeeded fairly quickly. The last part of the exercise was for me to ask some questions: Could a group of 100 do this exercise? The answers were mostly an immediate yes. How about 1000? Slower response, but still yes. How about the entire Nation? Debate now, but ultimately, yes. Then, why not the world?
It was a great exercise to help people remember that we are all made of the same basic stuff and we value the same basic things (caring for those we love, being healthy, having a good life, etc.).

My mother raised me with the philosophy that differences shouldn't separate us. Rather, they should bring us together because of how interesting they make our world. Our differences mean that we have access to a huge variety of information, experience and perspective; the chance to ask questions and examine who/what we are. Yet, here we are in the 21st century, dividing ourselves and each other along political, religious, sexual identification or orientation, and even color lines. Rather than embracing each other in our differences, we hide behind our basic beliefs, and push those that we don't understand (and thus, fear) as far away as a possible. It is sad to me because I am convinced that we could solve the problems we face globally, if not for our own silliness keeping us apart. If you really think about it, Christmas is the perfect example of tapping our differences and bringing them together to make something wonderful!

Every holiday is "made-up," either outright (my nemesis-Valentine's Day!) or from some sort of tradition that may or may not be pure of heart in its actual origins. I am not saying we created a holiday out of the Spanish Inquisition or the Crusades, but Halloween, for example, was originally a somber pagan ritual that was, perhaps not surprisingly, commandeered by the Church in the 8th century and we have transformed even more over time. Christmas is the same. For every culture that celebrates this holiday, there are as many variations and elements as there are shades of red or types of cookie. So why can't we just enjoy what is clearly an integral part of our American culture in the way we see fit and with mutual respect?

The Bishop's Wife - 1947

Besides, you can't fool me. I know plenty of atheists who still get sappy watching, A Charlie Brown Christmas, It's a Wonderful Life and The Bishop's Wife. On the other hand, I know plenty of Christians who maintain the existence of Santa Claus to their children and grandchildren; hanging stockings and retelling the story of a certain 9th reindeer. Amid all the commercialism and religious schisms, here is a season that can be beautiful to the eyes, ears and nose (and maybe a little hard on the waistline). A season that, if we are doing it right, reminds us that there are people we love, people who need our help, a world that should strive for peace, and a heritage rich in stories and faiths of all kinds.

So, if/however you celebrate Christmas, whip out the cookie recipes and the decorations, turn on some holiday music, get ready for Santa Claus and allow each other the space to do as s/he will.

As always, my wish for you, and for all, is a season of merriment, peace, health, happiness and love.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, and a very Merry Sparkly Unicorn!

A Charlie Brown Christmas - 1965